does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
