my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
