I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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