Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
