so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
