she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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