I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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