I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Damn victory sex feels great
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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