I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
