So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
