so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
