i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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