im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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