I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
