Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
