are you still at the devil's house?
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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