Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
