Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
