There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
