She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm really busy with my period
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