he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
