How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
