we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
