So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
