literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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