I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
