Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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