yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
