So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
