Your tits are I can't wait for
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
