You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
