At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Drake has all the answers
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
