At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
