week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
