I just threw up on my dentist
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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