We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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