weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
