North Korea, Best Korea!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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