we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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