is your mom at the bar?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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