i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
