12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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