Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
