I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
