who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
