Moan for me like Helen Keller
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
