She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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