So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
