wanna go halves on a baby?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
