hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
