Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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