dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
