WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
