No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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